We have put together the absolute best jokes for kids that will guarantee a laugh.
After pouring through literally thousands of children’s jokes we grew frustrated with the number of jokes that were either awful, or too clever for a kid to understand.
Most puns were also too subtle for a younger audience so we have left most of these out also.
So we have saved you the time and heartache of looking for needles in haystacks and found the gold for you, that kids will actually understand.
Yes some of these are lame to the adult reader… But they’re for children. So lighten up and have some fun!
The list is very long so use the table of contents to jump to the section that most interests you. Or just settle into your best laughing chair and browse away through each joke category.
Don’t forget to bookmark this page so you can come back and get a new joke every day!!
Best Short Jokes for Kids
16 Dog Jokes
- What goes tick tick, woof woof?
- What do you get when you cross a dog with a lion?
A scared postman
- What do you get when you cross a dog with an egg
- Why do dogs scratch themselves?
They are the only ones who know where it itches
- What kind of dog does count dracula like?
- What did the seasick dog say?
- What do you call a wet puppy?
A soggy doggy
- Which side of the dog has the most hair?
- What does a dog have that no other animal does?
- How does a dog stop a movie?
By pressing the paws button
- What did the tree say to the dog?
I have more bark than you
- What do you get when you cross a sheepdog with a flower?
- What did the dog say when the farmer pulled his tail?
This is the end of me
- Why do bulldogs have flat noses?
Because they chase parked cars
- Where do dogs go if they lose their tails?
The re-tail store
56 Animal Jokes
- What do you call a crocodile wearing a watch?
- Why did the chicken cross the showground?
To get to the other ride
- Where to sick horses go?
- Did you hear about the naughty koala?
He decided to turn over a new leaf
- Why did the bird sit on the clock?
So it would be on time
- What did the duck say when buying new lipstick?
Put it on my bill please
- Why did the elephant sit on the marshmallow?
To keep it from falling into the cocoa
- What do you call a fly with no wings?
- What does a shark eat with Peanut butter?
- What’s bright blue and weighs four tonnes?
An elephant holding its breath
- Why do giraffe’s have long necks?
Because they have smelly feet
- Where was the rabbit when the lights went out?
In the dark
- What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot?
A walkie talkie
- What is a frog’s favourite game?
- What was the chicken doing on the runway?
About two miles an hour
- What do mice send each other at Christmas?
- What is a snakes favourite class in school?
- What is a baby’s favourite reptile?
- What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
Bacon and legs
- Why wouldn’t the lion eat the clown?
He tastes funny
- What is as big as a dinosaur, but weighs less than a dinosaur?
A dinosaur’s shadow
- What insect can you spell with one letter?
- Why is Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer so good at trivia?
He nose a lot
- What is a disastrous cat called?
- Why can’t leopards escape from the zoo?
They are always spotted
- What day do chickens hate the most?
- What do you call a bear without an ear?
- What do you call a cat with one leg?
- What do you call a bear in the rain?
A drizzly bear
- What do you call a dinosaur with a big vocabulary?
- What do you call an alligator in a vest?
- Why can’t a T-rex clap?
Because they’re extinct
- What animals love to learn?
Fish, they always travel in schools
- Where does a fish deposit their money?
- What did the duck say to the comedian?
You quack me up
- What do you get when you cross a cow with a rooster?
- How does a pig get to hospital?
In a hambulance
- What kind of a key cannot open a door?
- What is a crocodile’s favorite card game?
- Why are skunks so smart?
They have lots of scents
- Why can’t elephants go swimming at the same time?
They only have one pair of trunks
- What pie can fly?
- What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a garden hose?
- What do you call a bull who falls asleep?
- What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away
- What do you get when you cross a cat with a ghost?
A scaredy cat
- What do you get when you cross a fish with an elephant?
- What do you get when you cross a cow and a lawnmower?
- What do you get when you cross a snake and a kangaroo?
A jump rope
- What do you get when you cross an elephant with Darth Vader?
- What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
- What does a cat say when its surprised?
- What do you get when an elephant sneezes?
You get out of the way
- What kind of bees never die?
- What is a sheep’s favorite kind of food?
- What kind of insect is hard to understand?
19 Food Jokes
- Why aren’t bananas lonely?
Because they come in bunches
- Why the lady throw her butter out the window?
She wanted to see butterfly
- Why did the banana wear sunscreen at the beach?
It didn’t want to peel
- What do cowboys like on their salad?
- What do cows eat for breakfast?
- Waiter! Please give me a steak and make it lean.
Which way sir?
- Is there any soup on the menu today?
There was, but I wiped it off
- How many apples fit in an empty box?
None or It won’t be empty anymore
- What turns without moving?
- Why can’t you tell an egg a joke?
It might crack up
- What kind of person loves cocoa?
- Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam
- What do you get when you cross a cow and a trampoline?
- What is an Alien’s favourite candy?
- What do you take before every meal?
- How did the orange get into the glass?
He squeezed his way in
- What is green and can sing?
- What is the best food to eat when you’re scared?
- What is worse than finding a worm in your apple
Finding half a worm
17 People Jokes
- Why did the ninja go to the Doctor?
It had kung-flu
- How did the scientist feel when he discovered electricity?
- What do ghosts wear on their feet?
- What did one ear say to the other ear?
There is something in between us and it smells
- What do you call a quick astronaut?
- What kind of ears to engines have?
- What do you call criminals robbing a jewelry store?
- What did the mathematician say to the calculator?
I can count on you
- If the butcher is 1.6 metres tall, and wears size 12 shoes, what does he weigh?
- What did Mrs Claus say to Santa Claus when it got cloudy?
Looks like reindeer
- Why do people fly to Hawaii for vacation?
Because it’s too far to walk
- Why did the man sleep under his car?
Because he wanted to wake up oily
- Why wasn’t Cinderella chosen for the softball team?
Because she ran away from the ball
- What did Cinderella wear to the beach?
- What kind of coach has no wheels?
A baseball coach
- Who can shave twenty times a day and still have a beard?
- Why was the scientist angry?
He was a mad scientist
25 Objects Jokes
- What do rain clouds wear under their clothes?
- What star goes to jail?
A shooting star
- What part of a window hurts?
- How many balls of string does it take to reach the moon?
One, but it would need to be a big one!
- What kind of balls don’t bounce?
- What starts with the letter E, ends with E, but only has one letter in it?
- If two’s company, and three’s a crowd, what is four and five?
- Why does it get hot after a football game?
Because all the fans leave
- What did the tide say to the beach as it came in?
Long time no sea
- Why are calendars so busy?
They have lots of dates
- What country is the most slippery?
- Why are brooms always late?
- Why was the portrait arrested by the police?
It was framed
- Which pet makes the most noise?
- What is the most curious letter?
- How do you make the number one vanish?
Add a G and it’s Gone
- What has a neck but not a head?
- What is the coolest letter of the alphabet?
B – its always surrounded by AC
- What can be full but never overflow?
- Where do pencils go for vacation?
- Which flowers talk the most?
Tulips – because they have two lips
- What language does a billboard speak?
- What gets wet while it dries?
- What do you call a silly doorbell?
A ding dong
- Why did the boy bring a ladder to school?
He wanted to go to high school
5 Body Jokes
- What kind of hats do you wear on your legs?
- What part of your body has the most rhythm?
- What’s the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kids won’t eat broccoli
- Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?
If it was then it would be a foot
- What kind of button will you not find at the sewing store?
A belly button
8 Nature Jokes
- What would we get if we threw all the books in the ocean?
A title wave
- What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships
- What kind of beans won’t grow in the garden?
- What did the big flower say to the little flower?
- What did Mars say to Saturn?
Give me a ring sometime
- What kind of tree can fit into your hand?
A palm tree
- How do trees get on the internet?
They log on
- What’s a tornado’s favorite game?
5 Do you know Jokes?
- Do you know the joke about the wall?
I better not tell you, you will never get over it
- Do you know the joke about the limousine?
I better not tell you, its too long
- Do you know the joke about the perfume?
I better not tell you – it stinks
- Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed
- What do you call a fairy that doesn’t like to shower?
There you have it, our collection of the best jokes for kids.
Make sure to check back on this list as we will be updating it regularly as we discover more hilarious jokes.
We would love to know what your favorite, and least favorite joke from our list. Let us know in the comments below!
Belly Laughs Riddles and Puns for Kids (2006), Sky Pony, New York USA
June factor, LOLs Best Jokes for Kids (2000), Allen & Unwin, NSW Australia